Post Transplant (Week 7)

*(Day +41), Monday, (June 21st) and (Day +42), Tuesday, (June 22nd) are both a blur. Couldn't really tell you what happened because I was knocked out on pain meds. I pretty much only woke up to go to the bathroom, eat and take pills. I don't even remember what I ate or who my nurses were. I know I got antibiotics during both days and I know on the Tuesday that my white blood cell count was 3.4 and my ANC was 2300. Both are improvements and both are getting closer to the normal range.

*(Day +43),Wednesday, (June 23rd) was a much better day. My head and stomach were starting to feel better so I wasn't needing any pain meds so I was actually awake and coherent for most of the day, My day was more like my normal routine. I got up around 8:30 and heard that my white blood cell count was 4.3 (Normal is 4.0-11.0). My ANC was 3400. (Normal is 1600-8300). I haven't been in the normal range for over five years. My platelets and red blood cells are still being pokey so I'm still getting transfusions but they should start getting better soon. I took a nap in the morning, ate lunch, took another nap and walked several laps around the hall throughout the day. I took a shower and planned to go to bed early but ended up chatting with my night nurse, Em, until almost 2 a.m.. I promise to try to blog more often and not get so behind! Have a good day :)

*(Day +44),Thursday, (June 24th) was a good day. My migraine and stomach problems are better so I wasn't on any pain meds for most of the day. We learned that my white blood cell count continued to rise to 6.0! And my ANC jumped to 5,000! Both still in normal range, which is awesome! My fever has been gone for a few days so I get to leave the hospital tomorrow! I spent the rest of the day resting and watching TV and catching up on blogging/emails. It's hard when you get a week behind and then have millions of things to answer. But I finally got it all done. I also took some laps around the unit to work on my strength. My muscles are twitching less and I'm not getting out of breath as easily. I also walked all the way down and out to the front of the hospital and back. We only sat down once outside to enjoy the weather. I also discovered the massage chair on the unit and sat in that for awhile. My back has been hurting from sleeping so much and this chair was like heaven on my back and on my shaky legs. Then I took a nice shower and went to bed. Check back tomorrow when I get to leave!

*(Day +45),Friday, (June 25th) was a great day. I finished my antibiotics and I'm still fever free so they let me leave the hospital! We didn't get out until early afternoon and by the time we got back to the Ronald McDonald House I just wanted to sleep in a quiet setting. So I plopped down on the couch and slept until dinner. We ate at the house for dinner- chicken nuggets and macaroni. The people serving were really nice and funny. After dinner I rested because my stomach is so sensitive from all the meds and such. My mom went shopping so I had a few hours of alone time to just rest and be alone. It was awesome. I just took my pills and caught up on emails and now I'm about to go take a bath...yes, a bath (you don't get those in the hospital. you get crappy showers with cold water) and then I'm going to lay my fuzzy bald head down to sleep in a real bed where I will not be interrupted my machines and nurses and alarms and mysterious noises. I suspect this to be a very nice night.

*(Day +46), Saturday, (June 26th) was not a very good day. I was supposed to get a platelet transfusion in the morning so we woke up early to go to the bone marrow clinic and then when we got there we found out that the blood bank had screwed up and I wouldn't be able to get my platelets until the next day. I was feeling pretty crappy so I spent the rest of the day sleeping. I did manage to get up and go for a drive with my mom. We just drove around town and looked at potential cool places to go when I'm better. It was nice but I didn't realize how weird it would feel to ride in a car after so long. My mom was driving like 30 mph and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I hadn't been in a car for like a month and a half. Driving is not like riding a bike. I found myself clutching my seatbelt and the handle on the door because I swore we were going to hit something or someone. It was also kind of frustrating because there were all these things I wanted to do and places I wanted to eat and places I wanted to shop. But I couldn't even manage to walk long enough to do that. eat dinner and shower. Having to check my blood sugar before I eat, count up the carbs and be given insulin is such a pain. I'll be so happy when my temporary diabetes is gone.

*(Day +47), Sunday, (June 27th) was another bad day. I woke up feeling really crummy and even turned down an offer to go see Sex and the City 2. Now you KNOW how crummy I must have felt. We went to the BMT clinic for blood draw and platelet transfusion and my temperature kept raising. They decided to let me go home because I was doing ok. I spent the rest of the day in bed feeling miserable. My mom made me eat dinner and it ended up making me feel even worse. Around 7 p.m. I got that same headache I had the last time I was re-admitted and I started to get sick to my stomach. My temp started raising to the 102's so they made us come in. Sunday night is a blur because I was on so many pain meds for my headache and stomach. During the night my fever spiked to 104.9 so now the doctors are working really hard to figure out what I have. I'm on general antibiotics for the time being.

**Reason of the Week: On Wednesday, some of my blood counts finally hit the normal range. For some counts, this is the first time in five years I've been normal. Being normal (medically) is always a reason to smile (RTS).

Post Transplant (Week 6)

*(Day +34), Monday, (June 14th), was another good day. It's been raining all week so my mood has been a little drowsier and sleepier. I just haven't been as active or online. Hence the reason for the late blogging. Good news, My white blood cell count hit .9. My cells are continuing to engraft. My ANC also hit 600 today, which is a nice jump from yesterday. I'm getting closer to being able to leave. The doctors said it sounds like I could be getting out of the hospital by the end of this week or early next week. They've already started switching most of my IV meds over to oral. I'm taking soooo many meds but it's better than being hooked up to a pole all of the time. I'm down to just a few IV meds. They've also taught me how to give myself insulin because I'll have to keep taking it until they stop the steroids. I can't wait until my blood sugar is normal again. It's annoying to poke my finger every time before I eat and then give myself a shot of insulin every time after I eat. It's also annoying to count carbs. My mom has an appointment on wednesday to learn how to take care of my hickman line (like how to clean it and such). I think tomorrow the nurses are going to have me start doing it myself. I've seen them do it for so long and I've been taking care of my port for so long that I don't think I'm going to have any problems. So yeah, Monday was pretty much spent preparing to leave. My weight went down more and I'm eating less/eating healthier. I'm feeling better about myself. I took a shower fairly early and then started craving vanilla ice cream. I know I've already talked about my strange cravings for sweet over salty but now I'm also craving vanilla over chocolate. That never happens. I'm not a vanilla person. So I had some vanilla ice cream and it hit the spot wonderfully. I joked that I'm going to have vanilla ice cream for breakfast in the morning. I don't think my nurse will let me. We'll see. :)

*(Day +35), Tuesday, (June 15th), has been a great and somewhat more productive day. I woke up this morning to hear the wonderful news that my white blood cell count has continued to jump and is now at 1.1! Engraftment of new cells is continuing. I'm still not in the normal range but I'm over 1 now and improving every day! My ANC also hit 700, another nice jump. As long as I stay at or above 500 tomorrow, my doctors promised I can not only leave my room BUT I can be unhooked from my pole and I can go over to the Ronald McDonald House for an hour tomorrow. Then if I do well they said I can move to the Ronald McDonald House on Thursday or Friday. Meaning I could go in public (while being mindful of germs and following a nice list of rules) this weekend. Just in time for my dad and brother's visit this weekend. I spent my day thinking about outfits again, taking out my makeup and thinking about how I can make myself look as much like my old self as possible, thinking about accessories, etc. I can't wait to not be attached to a pole and to be able to sleep without being interrupted and to just have some peace and quiet. And good TV! And good food! And some amount of freedom. The list goes on and on. My biopsy site is still sore and it's been bleeding off and on, which it usually doesn't. It's getting better every day and I've stopped the pain pump all together so now I just get pain meds when I ask for them. It's nice because my mind is starting to clear up but I'm also in more pain. I'll take a little pain if it means I get out of here faster (but safely). I got my usual morning platelet transfusion but I didn't need red blood cells today. I ate two meals today and I was really good about keeping my carb count low so that I didn't need as much insulin. Plus I'm probably going to pig out on sweets when I'm at the Ronald McDonald House. :) . Tomorrow they are switching my last meds over from IV to oral so that I'm ready to leave. That will be the true test as to whether I can handle all of the oral meds or not. I'm hoping my stomach will cooperate because I've never been a very good pill taker. I haven't really had any problems so far so I'm hoping my mind and body are on my side. My mom has been giving me my insulin shots and I'm about to start doing my own finger pokes to check my blood sugar. I'm also doing my dressing change for my hickman tonight so that I can show them I know how to clean it properly. After that, I'm set to get out of here! I'm so excited and full of anticipation that my nurse is already talking about having me take ambien tonight to help me sleep. Otherwise, I'll be up all night with excitement and then I'll be too tired to enjoy tomorrow. lol. Ok, well I'm going to go take a shower and head to bed. Oh PS- I didn't have vanilla ice cream for breakfast like I had intended BUT I did realize this wonderful thing where you take two chocolate chip cookies and make an ice cream sandwich. Definitely doing that right after I shower. I'm a genius. Check back tomorrow for some (hopefully) good news! I'll try not to keep you waiting too long.

*(Day +36), Wednesday, (June 16th), was a good day. Sorry I made you wait so long (contrary to my promise in the past post). It's about a week later as I write this so I'll try to give you the basics. My white blood cell count was 1.4, another good jump. ANC stayed at 700 so I was cleared to leave my hospital room. I convinced them to not only let me leave the hospital room, but leave the hospital for a little bit to go over to the Ronald McDonald House. We planned to walk over because it's only a couple of blocks away but by the time I got to the front of the hospital, I was about to pass out. I forgot how weak my body is right now. So my mom went and got the car and drove over to get me. I got to see our new room, which is really nice and a lot bigger and it'll give my mom and I some privacy. Then we ate dinner at the house with the other families. When we got back to my hospital room, I sat down and was asleep within 10 minutes. It wore me out but it felt great to feel fresh air and ride in a car and see sunlight. I did have my first experience of having people see me as a chemo patient. You never realize how much people stare until you're the one being stared at. I guess I don't mind, I probably would shoot a glance at a pudgy, chipmunk-faced, bald, masked girl. It's still uncomfortable.

*(Day +37), Thursday, (June 17th), was a busy day. We packed up our stuff and my mom moved it all over to the RMH while I tried to catch up on some sleep. Once I got to the house, I went straight to the room and into the bedroom, closed the door, turned off the lights and just slept. It was glorious.

*(Day +38), Friday, (June 18th) was a rough day. It was my first full day out of the hospital. My dad and brother also came in town so my dad brought me breakfast and came to pick me up. I had to get up early to go over to clinic for an appointment. I'll have to do that every day for awhile. It sucks to get up early but then the rest of my day is free. We also got the results from my bone marrow biopsy that I got done last friday. As you know, I got two units of cord blood from two different donors. The results said that my bone marrow is 96% donor cells and only 4% my cells. They're going to check again in a few weeks but it looks like the donor cells are going to win (which is the entire point of a transplant). They said it could take a long time to reach 100% but 96% is enough for it to be working, not failing. It's not perfect but its great. After that I mostly spent the rest of the day sleeping. I've never been so tired in my life. Walking up three flights of stairs makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. It's even harder because the medicines/steroids i'm on are giving me the shakes so try walking with shaky legs when you're out of breath and light headed. Not a fun experience. Taking a shower is like running a marathon. It's frustrating because I want to be able to start doing things but my body is just so worn out. I just have to wait it out.

*(Day +39), Saturday, (June 19th) was a pretty boring day. My dad picked me up for another early appointment. We got out of there around 1 p.m. and went back to the RMH. I slept for most of the rest of the day while my mom and my brother went out to do stuff and my dad stayed behind with me. For dinner my dad went and got me my favorite pasta. For the first time ever I couldn't even finish it. My stomach is starting to hurt from all of the meds I have to take. I have to be more careful when I eat and I never know when I'm going to be hungry or when I'll be able to eat and I literally have to lay around for half an hour after eating otherwise it freaks out.

*(Day +40), Sunday, (June 20th) was a bad day. Sunday night I couldn't sleep because I had an awful migraine and my stomach was really hurting. My mom took my temperature and it was over 100.5 (which is when they make you come back to the hospital). We waited awhile but then it started to get worse and I threw up so we called the hospital and went straight there. I was in so much pain. I've never had a migraine that bad. After they finally gave me some pain meds, I was knocked out for the rest of the day. Plus side is that all of my counts were good.

*Reason of the Week: On Thursday, I stepped outside for the first time in 49 days. Fresh air and sunshine are always reasons to smile (RTS).

Post Transplant (Week 5)

*(Day +27), Monday, (June 7th), has been a great and mundane day. I fell asleep around 2 last night but slept surprisingly well during the night. They didn't give me any medicine to pee during the night and had my fluids running at a lower rate so I only had to get up like twice to go to the bathroom. That's a huge improvement from when I was having to get up twice an hour. I slept until around 8 a.m. when my mom woke me up to tell me that my white blood cell count has stayed at .4! It didn't go down and we're so close to .5 now! Which means I'm getting closer to getting to leave my room and walk the halls. And closer to getting to go to the Ronald McDonald House. This morning I also realized something, The day I found out we were going to proceed with transplant was March 11, 2010. I know because that's when I blogged about it. My transplant date was May 11, 2010. Maybe that means I'll be able to get out of here on June 11th? Which is in 4 days. That would be nice. What a coincidence. 11 seems to be my lucky number. Today my feet are a lot less puffy because I'm going to the bathroom so much and my knees are less puffy too. My mouth sores are also a lot better. My only complaints are that my feet still feel tight on the tops and my knees feel tight and keep cracking when I bend them. I also have sores in my throat that make my feel like my throat is swollen. It just feels like I have a really bad cold or something. They are decreasing my continuous morphine every day by my request. In a few days I won't be on any continuous, that way hopefully I'll be less groggy and forgetful. I still have the morphine pain pump that I can push if the pain gets to be too bad. I did a lot of stretches today for a total of 20 minutes. Rotating my ankles helps the swelling and bending my legs into the air and holding them helps my leg muscles and my knees. I also do arm rotations to stretch my elbows and shoulders. Physical therapy would be proud. I ate all three meals again today and my carb count is getting lower, which makes me feel healthier. We did have one scare today. We have to check my glucose before every meal that I eat and then recheck after I eat and give me insulin for the carbs that I eat. It's a complicated process and annoying because I have to count my carbs. When we checked my glucose before lunch my blood sugar was extremely lower than normal so my nurse freaked out and had me drink sugary apple juice and then I had to (lol) eat pop tarts after lunch so that my blood sugar would go back to normal. I guess the insulin got messed up earlier in the day and I was given too much or something. It gave me an excuse to eat my yummy pop tarts so I was ok with it. :) . COW rounds were uneventful and Dr. Smith's visit to my room was as well. Nothing really new. They're all still very impressed and say I'm doing well. I got my usual platelet transfusion this morning but I don't need red blood cells today. That's about it. I took several naps today and I'm already really tired and it's only 8:30 p.m. so I'm probably just going to go take a shower, eat my nightly pop tarts and go to bed. Hopefully I'll have another restful night. I had all good nurses today and tonight! This morning I had Kristin, who we put on my team. Then I had Sarah for the first time who isn't on my team but she's really nice. And now I have Em, one of my favorites. I want her to paint my nails again but I'm really tired so we'll see. Goodnight. Check in tomorrow for more of week 5!

*(Day +28), Tuesday, (June 8th), was not a very good day. It rained all day and I was surprisingly tired so I slept all day. I don't think I watched any TV or even checked my facebook. Or updated my blog. I think I just needed to catch up on some sleep. White blood cell count was still .4. No changes there. COW rounds and Dr. Smith's visit to my room were both pretty uneventful as usual. Still waiting for .5. The only times I woke up were to take meds and do mouth cares. I ate a few times. My carb count was the lowest it's ever been because I was too tired to eat three meals. I still ate enough to avoid the liquid calories. I managed to shower and change clothes before passing out early. I didn't even bother to put on a scarf because I was so tired. I slept bald. That's how you know I was exhausted. I just felt under the weather.

*(Day +29), Wednesday, (June 9th), was another not very good day. Basically exactly the same as Tuesday. White blood cell count was still .4. Same with COW rounds and Dr. Smith's visit. I ate even less on Wednesday than on Tuesday but I still ate enough to avoid the liquid calories. I also showered and changed my clothes and then went to bed early again. Slept bald again. Didn't even care who saw. I feel like I just had a moment of deja vu. The only difference was that on Wednesday I got a platelet transfusion and a red blood cell transfusion. On Tuesday I only got a platelet transfusion.

*(Day +30), Thursday, (June 10th), has been a much better day. My white blood cell count finally jumped from .4 to .6! Once they hit .5 that means that the cells have officially engrafted. Which is a very good sign. Now I just need to keep my counts at at least .5 for a few days and then I can get out of this room and into the hall. Then it won't be long before I can leave and go to the Ronald McDonald House. We're getting closer. I slept in until 10 and then ate breakfast, which made my mom and the doctors very happy because I hadn't eaten breakfast the past two days. My platelets were 5,000 this morning so I had to get another platelet transfusion around 1 so I did nap during because of the Benedryl. My hemoglobin was 11.5, which is pretty much normal. So no red blood cell transfusion today. I should be able to avoid naps until bedtime. I'm feeling much better but still more tired than usual. I think I just needed to catch up on some sleep. Today they finally stopped my continuous morphine at my request and now all I have is the button that I can push every ten minutes and it'll give me a dose of morphine. I've been less groggy today because of that. I'm starting to feel less forgetful, which is great. I did have to push the morphine button a few times earlier because I had a really bad headache. I also did wake up with two new mouth sores, one in the same spot as the bloody one that turned yellow and fell out. It already happened again. I got to play with another yellow piece of cheek. So gross but awesome. I still have the chunk missing from the side of my tongue but there's no blood or yellow stuff in it. I also still have a few in the back of my throat and down my throat that feel like a cold. No bloody noses and my weight is going down. The only other new news is that tomorrow I'm getting a bone marrow biopsy to check on my marrow and see how things are going. I've had tons of bone marrow biopsies (in the double digits) so it's not really a big deal. They just put me to sleep and stick a big needle into the back of hip and then they go into my bone and take out some marrow and then take out a little chunk of my hip bone. The bone grows back but after the biopsy I'm always pretty sore for a few days because of all the tissue they have to go through and because of the chunk of bone they take out. They usually just put a bunch of padding on it and I have to take morphine for a few days. The only concern is that my platelets are so low that the procedure could cause me to bleed and not stop so they'll be giving me a platelet transfusion during the procedure so that the platelets can go right to the site and clot it right away. That's about it. Sorry for not updating in a few days but you guys have to remember that not all of my days are going to be good and I'm not going to feel like blogging every day sometimes. That doesn't mean something is wrong. Check back tomorrow for more.

*(Day +31), Friday, (June 11th), is going to be a long day. It's about 10 a.m. right now and like I said yesterday, I'm getting a bone marrow biopsy in a few hours. I'm going to be on a lot of morphine afterwards so I don't know if I will be up to blogging today. I will definitely blog as soon as I can. So far everything is going well, though. So no worries. UPDATE: Friday was a long but good day. I spent the morning resting. Around 11 a.m. I got my first platelet transfusion and then went down to get my bone marrow biopsy done around noon. They gave me another platelet transfusion during the procedure. I passed out really fast and everything went smoothly. The doc did have to poke me twice so I'm feeling more sore than usual. I have a ton of gauze and pressure tape on the site right now so we don't know if I bled but we know that it clotted because it isn't actively bleeding. I spent the rest of the day resting and getting morphine. I ate lunch and dinner and was ready for bed by 10 p.m. but we ended up being awake until after 1 a.m. because we had to wait on some meds that the pharmacy messed up. I didn't sleep very well during the night because there was a lot of noise and I couldn't get comfortable.

*(Day +32), Saturday, (June 12th), was an alright day. I'm still having a good deal of pain from the biopsy so I spent most of the morning being pretty drowsy because of the morphine. COW rounds were pretty uneventful. We did learn that my white blood cell count went back up to .6. Now it just needs to stay there. My ANC was still 300 and it needs to get up to 500 and stay there. So things are getting better but we're not quite there yet. Dr. Smith's in-room visit was pretty exciting because she told us that they had seen some of the results from my biopsy and that there are baby white blood cells, red blood cells and platelets growing. We don't know if they are donor or host but something is growing and they seem to be optimistic that this means my transplant is working. I watched a few episodes of the OC and got a platelet transfusion this morning. I did eat three meals today and my carb count is on the lower end of normal for the day. My weight is still going down and the puffiness is much better. You can actually see my ankles now and my fee aren't swollen at all. My knees are still a little swollen and my muscles are still twitchy. For some reason my chipmunk cheeks won't go away. My fat face is probably what I'm most self conscious about. The nurses can't really tell me when it'll go away. My face looks even fatter because I can't wear my contacts due to germs so I'm stuck wearing my glasses- which are now super tight. It's quite a scene. I'm still shaky but I'm getting better. I've been really drowsy today because of all the morphine but I'm trying really hard to stay focused and remember things. I'm starting to be able to wear some of my regular clothes again- especially my shorts/pants, which makes me feel better. At first I felt bad that my mom had to go out and buy me a bunch of new clothes that were bigger but now I'm starting to figure out ways to wear them afterwards when I lose all the water weight. There's also a free gym at the Ronald McDonald House and I've decided that I'm going to start working out when I get out because I'll have all of this new energy I didn't have before. Plus I think getting in shape will help my self image, which I will desperately need given the fact I'm bald and I don't look like myself. I took another nap this afternoon because of my back. My mom left to go shopping and to go to the house for a bit. It was nice to be alone for awhile because people kept coming in and out of my room all morning. I think we had five different people come in during a period of ten minutes while I was trying to sleep. My door is also really noisy so every time somebody comes in and out I wake up. I was not a happy camper. I'm starting to get drowsy again so I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed. Goodnight.

*(Day +33), Sunday, (June 13th), was an average day. My white blood cell count jumped to .8 so my cells are continuing to engraft nicely. My ANC was still 400 and needs to get to at least 500 and stay above or at 500 for three days in a row before they'll let me out of the hospital room. Sounds like that could be happening in the next week. I'm still sore from the biopsy but I've been trying to use my pain pump less. I've also started to prepare for leaving the hospital. I've been thinking about clothes I can wear that will hide my gnarly bruises and I've been testing outfits with hats and scarves to match them and I've even been thinking about jewelry and accessories. It gives me something to do and focus on. Chipmunk cheeks/double chin are still present but swollen legs are gone. Highlight of the day: It was Sunday so that meant I got my weekly favorite pasta. It was especially yummy. I took a shower and went bed.

**Reason of the Week: Now that I've been feeling better, I've finally gotten around to going through my graduation/transplant presents. Two presents in particular are really special to me. I've been a fan of this jewelry designer named Laurel Denise for awhile. She makes really unique and homemade jewelry with great messages and quotes. I saw a necklace that had "smile" etched into it on her website and immediately knew I wanted one because it fit the theme of my blog and my overall outlook on this journey. My mom contacted Laurel Denise and not only did she get the necklace, but after she heard about my blog, Laurel custom made me a bracelet that has "Reason to Smile" etched into it. They both are beautiful and I can't wait to start wearing them. Beautiful jewelry and generous people are always reasons to smile (RTS).

Post Transplant (Week 4)

*(Day +20), Monday, (May 31st), is a great day! I was woken up this morning around 6 a.m. by my nurse who told me that my counts had just come back and my white blood cell count had finally jumped from .1 to .2! This is good news because it means that one of the cords is starting to produce more white blood cells. Meaning it looks like my transplant is working. Of course it's too early to be sure of anything but this shows progress and that's very optimistic. The doctors are all very excited by the news. Today I've been in a really good mood despite the fact that my mouth sores are the worst they've ever been. The doctors said that my sores are the most impressive they've ever seen. Which is saying a lot because they've seen a lot of mouth sores. I have one really freaky looking one on the side of my tongue. It looks like there's a chunk taken out of my tongue and there's like yellow stuff in the middle. My nurses and my mom keep trying to convince me to take a picture of it because its so gnarly looking. I refuse to because it's so gross. Thankfully all of my sores are on one side of my mouth so I can still eat as long as I chew with my right side. I lucked out in that aspect. Most of the patients get sores everywhere and that's why they can't eat. I've mostly been blogging at night but today I was so excited about the white blood cell news that I decided I needed to blog early. Other than my white blood cell news, the day has been pretty boring. I ate my usual warm pop tarts and hot chocolate for breakfast. I like following a routine. It makes the days go by faster. I spent the rest of the morning getting platelets and napping because I didn't sleep very well last night. I have a button that I can push every ten minutes that gives me morphine to help with the pain in my mouth and legs and they upped my dose today because my sores have gotten worse. My dose is doubled now. All I have to do is push the button a few times in a row and I basically pass out. I have to be careful because If I click it too much, I start to forget things. Morphine is quite powerful. It helps me sleep at night and get some good rest during the day but it also contributes to 'chemo brain'. It's frustrating to forget things. It's like having Alzheimer's but knowing you have Alzheimer's. If that makes sense. I find myself reading my blog every day just to remember what happened the day before. I also find myself going back and changing things that I've written because I write things that I regret later. Blogging is a mixed blessing right now. It's good because it's helping me remember this experience but I also have to be careful what I say while under the influence of very strong pain meds. Anyways, my mouth is starting to bleed again so I should go hit my pain pump and sleep through the pain for awhile. I'm alone for the afternoon because I made my mom take a break and leave the hospital. Since today is a holiday she didn't have to do any work and I feel bad making her hang around the hospital nonstop with me so I made her leave and go to the Ronald McDonald House for the afternoon. I made her promise she would go shopping at the mall and go to Trader Joe's. It's funny that I have to force my own mother to shop for herself. We'll see if she actually buys anything. At least she's getting a break. That's better than nothing. I did compromise by agreeing to let her pick up my favorite pasta for dinner while she's at the mall. For some reason there's this Italian place in the mall that has a certain pasta that I can't find at any other restaurant around. It's basically just a combination of all of my favorite things in one dish. It's tortellini in this really good Alfredo sauce with peas and prosciutto and mushrooms. I've already had it twice since I was admitted to the hospital. My Aunt brought it when she came to visit and my mom went and picked it up on one of my really bad days. It seems appropriate to celebrate my white blood cell increase with my favorite pasta, right? (I'll find any excuse for that pasta). Ok, I really should go rest now. Hopefully the rest of the day will continue be uneventful. That's the way I like it.

*(Day +21), Tuesday, (June 1st), has been a pretty good day. Unfortunately this morning we learned that my white blood cell count went back down to .1. The doctors don't seem concerned because I guess the white blood cell count jumps around a lot in the beginning. Hopefully tomorrow it will at least be back up to .2 or maybe even higher. We just have to be patient. My day was pretty lackluster, which is okay with me. I'm getting really restless being stuck in this room. I spent most of the day watching season 1 of the OC. For some reason the OC was a show that I never watched so it's perfect to get wrapped up in now. Focusing on a season helps the time go by faster. My mouth sores are still getting worse but the swelling in my legs/ankles is getting better. My weight has gone down a little bit but I'm still wearing my fat girl clothes which is not helping my ego. My mom is getting really good at tying scarves so I've been matching my scarves to my outfit every day. I take that task very seriously. It's the only fashion I have left. I refuse to let anybody see my bald head. I can't decide if I look more like an alien or a pirate. Either way it's not cute. I'm already starting to get some stubble on my head and it's really dark and thick. I hope that's not what my new hair is going to look like. My blood sugar problem seems to be getting better but we still have to count carbs every time I eat which is annoying. I've somehow managed to end up eating close to the same number of carbs every day so my blood sugar is becoming more regular. I haven't really been having any fevers and my blood pressure isn't as high as it was before so overall I feel like things are getting better. I've been stretching and getting out of bed more than they expect because I want to keep my strength up. I'm still showering every day even though I only need to shower every other day. I have an old lady chair in the shower but I'm not even having to use that because I'm so stable. Once my counts get higher, they're going to let me out of my room to walk in the halls. My mom sees new patients getting to leave their room every day and most of them need help walking at first but I won't even need that because I'm already stable on my feet. All of the doctors are really impressed with my strength and mobility. I'm almost scared to say that I'm doing so well because I feel like I'm going to jinx it. Things can change so drastically. I'm just holding my breath and hoping that things stay the way they are. I've been following my liver function very closely because that's what sent us home the first time and delayed transplant. I had so much iron overload that my liver was in great danger. The overload could have easily caused my liver to shut down and that's something that is deadly and can't be fixed. My biggest fear is that my liver is still not strong enough, despite the several months of chelation that I did to get rid of the iron overload. So far my liver is doing fine. I still worry about it, though. My only other complaint is that the pain meds are messing with my head. I'm on a continuous infusion of morphine so I never feel like my head is clear. I also still have the pain pump that I can push. I only push it at night because I need to ease the pain of my mouth sores and puffy legs so that I can sleep. This causes my nights to be really fuzzy most of the time. I find myself waking up at weird hours and watching TV or getting on the computer. I haven't been sleeping much at all, which is very unlike me. I'm usually a big sleeper. Most days my mom actually naps more than I do. I just keep getting so frustrated because I feel like I can't think straight. I still find myself reading my blog just to remember what happened the day before. I also find myself going through my facebook pictures several times a day just to remind myself what I used to look like and that eventually I'll look like that again. My senior pictures are my favorite to look at. It's depressing to look at myself right now- bald and fat and stuck wearing glasses. I don't even bother to put makeup on because it wouldn't make much difference. Ok, that's enough complaining for one day. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself very lucky right now because I am doing well. I hope it stays that way. It's looking like I won't have to be in the hospital for too much longer. We'll see.

*(Day +22), Wednesday, (June 2nd), was a GREAT day. I woke up around 7 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep because my nurse came in and told us that my white blood cell count had gone back up to .2! My mouth sores were really bad this morning. I have several new sores that have decided to bleed nonstop. It took me three hours this morning to get two of my sores to stop bleeding. Thankfully the sores are still all on the left side of my mouth so I can still eat as long as I keep the food on the right side of my mouth. I had my usual hot pop tarts for breakfast and spent the morning watching more of the OC. I got my usual platelet transfusion late morning and napped until early afternoon. The doctors came by in the afternoon with really great news. My platelet count came back as 22,000! I've been living with platelets less than 10,000 for the past several years. My platelet count hasn't been that high in close to five years. They re-checked my platelet count a few hours later and it had jumped even higher to 30,000! My mom and I just sat in shock for several minutes. Even the doctors and nurses are dumbfounded at how fast my platelet count jumped up. It's amazing to see myself making so much progress so fast. A restaurant called CRAVE catered dinner tonight for everyone and it was delicious. I spent the rest of the night watching the OC and dozing off while on my computer. Again. Oops.

*(Day +23), Thursday, (June 3rd), might be the best day yet! I didn't sleep much last night because I kept trying to blog and then falling asleep. My night nurse (Em) was laughing because every time she would come in my room to check on me, I would be sitting up in bed with my laptop on my lap but I would be asleep. She kept taking my laptop and setting it on my dresser so that I would sleep and then as soon as I woke up, I would take my laptop back and try to continue blogging. I think I finally finished my blog entry at like 6 this morning. Ha. I'm not allowed to brush my teeth because of my mouth sores but I have to use these sponge sticks and salt water to clean my teeth/sores several times a day. They call it "mouth cares". Like I've mentioned before, the doctors keep saying that my mouth sores are some of the most impressive they've ever seen. It's really gross but I find it fascinating and I spend forever just looking at them because they're so gnarly looking. Last night I had a really big sore on the inside of my cheek on the left and it was probably the size of a quarter and it was all bloody. After I scrubbed it for awhile it turned this weird yellow color and then the entire thing just fell out. I literally had a piece of my cheek fall out. My nurse was freaking out because it was so gross. Is it weird that I'm bummed it's gone now? Ha, I'm so gross! Some of the other nurses are really gross too and love to look at my sores too. Unfortunately most of my sores are gone now except for that one I talked about earlier on the left side of my tongue. It's the one where it looks like there's a chunk taken out of my tongue and there's yellow stuff in it. I can't wait for that one to fall out too. That'll be so disgusting. I can't believe I'm talking about gross mouth sores. Too much morphine. Anyways, back to more important/less gross things. We got a call today from the Ronald Mcdonald House saying that we can switch rooms. My mom is over at the house right now moving our stuff. We're moving to the room that is above the room we were in to begin with. My mom just called and said it's a really awesome room. She said there's room for a total of four friends to come if my brother is in town and five people if he isn't. I'll be out of the hospital within a few weeks so I'm hoping that when I get released, my friends will come and visit. They can stay with me for free for as many days as they want and we can actually hang out and do stuff around the house. And someone caters dinner every night and then there are always leftovers and full pantries with free food so none of my friends will have to pay for any of their meals if they don't want to. That means all they would have to pay for is gas money to get here and back. If you split that among four or five people, it's not very much money at all. Have I convinced anyone to visit yet? lol. As you can see, I'm in good spirits today. My white blood cell count is still .2. My liver functions are all still in the normal range (thank god). My blood sugar is becoming more consistent. My platelet count is still 32,000, which is higher than I've been in literally five years. My red blood cell count dropped into the 7s this morning but I've gotten a red blood cell transfusion since then so I'm sure it's higher now. It's so exciting to see my counts getting bigger. This is all so new for me. I feel myself getting stronger every day. It's a nice change from during chemo when I felt my body getting weaker by the day. I spent my morning watching more episodes of the OC and I took a really good nap for once. Now that I've gotten my blogging done for the day, I think I'll probably take another nap and then watch more OC tonight. I'm becoming addicted already and I'm only in the first season. Thankfully there are several seasons so I'll have enough distractions to last me until I leave the hospital. Probably even after. I lucked out today and got two of my favorite nurses. Usually I have 3-4 in a day so it was nice to only have two. For the day, I had a nurse named Theresa. For tonight I get Em again. She's the one who painted my nails. I also had her last night. Ok, nap time!

*(Day +24), Friday, (June 4th), has been a hard day.This will also be the longest post so far. Just warning you. Last night I couldn't sleep so my night nurse, Em, gave me ambien at like 3 a.m. Anybody who has ever taken ambien knows that it's probably not a good idea to take it at 3 a.m. because it makes you pass out immediately and I ended up being really drowsy all morning. That also means that I didn't get up at my usual early time of 7 a.m. (ish). I didn't wake up until we got our daily knock on the door. I don't think I've ever explained this process so I will now. Every morning the doctors come by our rooms to meet and of course the one morning I don't get up early in is the one morning my mom actually wanted to get up at 7. lol. She usually gets up early to take a shower because she doesn't want to miss morning rounds and there is only one shower here on the unit for the parents to use and certain people think it's necessary to stay in the shower until after doing hair and makeup. Which could easily be done back in their child's room. So she has to get up early and hurry before those certain people wake up. Otherwise she gets stuck sitting there waiting for a long time for the shower. Every morning the doctors come by and meet in the hallway outside of each patients' room. They wheel around these things called COWS (computers on wheels) and knock on our door. We never know exactly what time it's going to be but we knew that today a new doctor was starting. There are 9 attending doctors here and they change every two weeks. When I first got admitted for chemo, the attending doctor was a woman named Dr. Macmillan. We really liked her. On transplant day the attending doctor was Dr. Tolar, who is my doctor so I lucked out. Next was a doctor named Dr. Lund. Today the new doctor started and her name is Dr. Smith. I've met her once now and she seems really nice. There are 21 rooms and I'm room 19. The doctors always start with the last room and work backwards so I'm the third room every morning so it's always pretty early. My mom missed the doctors this morning but after that COW session they come back and come inside my room to see me. Today Dr. Smith introduced herself and we just talked about my counts. Today my white blood cell count was .2 again. It hasn't gone down but it hasn't gone up. I'm at day +24 right now and Dr. Smith says that if I haven't moved to at least .3 by day +28 then we should be worried. I'm hoping to be at least .3 (if not higher) in the morning. My hemoglobin was in the 7's during the night but I got a red blood cell transfusion earlier so my counts should be higher now. My platelets dropped from 32,000 to 9,000 which is a bummer but 9,000 is still better than 1,000. My bilirubin counts (there are three of them and that's what tests your liver function) were normal. That's good. That's the first thing I always look at because I'm so paranoid about wondering if I got enough iron chelation. If I didn't chelate long enough then my liver will fail and that's the thing that they can't fix and would cause my transplant to fail. I always exhale the biggest when I see that the bilirubin counts are normal. We also talked about the swelling in my legs and feet that is caused by all of the fluids they are pumping into me. They're going to keep pumping fluids into me but they're also going to give me a drug several times a day that will make me have to pee a lot so I'll pee all of the liquids out. Aren't you glad I told you that? Dr. Smith also looked at my mouth sores and I'm happy to say that they're a lot better today. I just have that nasty sore on the left side of my tongue but the yellow part is gone. There's just some blood in it and the chunk is still missing. Nasty but awesome. :) After Dr. Smith left I ate my usual pop tarts and drank my usual favorite hot chocolate from the lobby downstairs. I spent the morning watching the OC again and I got a platelet transfusion. I napped really comfortably until the afternoon because I'm still on a high dose of morphine so after a couple of pushes my legs and mouth feel numb enough and I can sleep well. We're still counting carbs because of my temporary diabetes but I didn't have very many carbs for breakfast and lunch today . After lunch my mom's old debate coach came to visit. He works as a professor of communication studies here on the University of Minneapolis campus so he came by after class to hang out and meet me. I really like when I have visitors. We spent the afternoon talking about debate stories and memories. I also told him about my freaky cheek thing yesterday. He thought it was pretty gross. After he left my mom went out and got Applebee's for dinner. My carb count is still low for today so I'll probably have pop tarts tonight after my shower and then watch more of the OC until I fall asleep. I like when my carb count is low. It makes me feel like less of a fatty. I'm still wearing my fat girl clothes. I'm still bald. This leads me into explaining my breakdown of the night. I was on facebook and just randomly started crying. I couldn't stop. My mom left the room so I could just cry. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm famous for saying "sometimes I just need to cry". It was one of those nights. I was looking through my friends' pictures on facebook and just had a breakdown. Everything just hit me. I'm so mad that I was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia. I'm so mad that it was me. I'm mad that it ruined my middle school and high school experience. I'm mad that it impacted/limited my ability to compete in debate. I'm mad that it impacted/limited my ability to take hard classes. I'm mad that I missed a lot of school. I'm mad that I had to do homebound for part of my schedule. I'm mad that I had to work my ass off to get a 4.8 for my senior year. I'm mad that things weren't easy for me. I'm mad that I missed so much school for transfusions. I'm mad that my body has bad reactions to transfusions. I'm mad that I missed out on the simple things like riding bikes and jumping on trampolines. I'm so mad at this disease. I'm mad that I didn't get transplanted faster. I'm mad that I couldn't be transplanted sooner. I'm mad that nobody cares about Aplastic Anemia or Dyskeritosis Congenita because it's so rare. I'm mad that I have these two rare diseases. I'm mad that I'm sick. I'm mad that I have to go through this transplant right now. I'm mad that I couldn't stay and finish the debate season. I"m mad at myself for not being strong enough to finish the debate season. I'm mad at how I left. I'm mad that I couldn't stay and compete for forensics season.I'm mad that I had to miss out on parts of debate camp because I had to drive home and get transfusions. I'm mad that I had to sleep in on some of the days of camp because my body just didn't have the energy to keep up with everyone else. I'm mad that I had so much iron overload. I'm mad that we moved all of our stuff up to Minneapolis in December and then had to come home. I'm mad that I was so sick I couldn't return to school when I got home. I'm mad that I had to be on the iron chelation medicine 24/7. I'm mad that it made my stomach so sick. I'm mad that I was throwing up almost every day for several months. I'm mad that my doctor let my iron overload get so high in the first place. I'm mad that I accepted presents from everyone and then ended up not transplanting so I looked like a liar. I'm mad that I had to give up the idea of dating because it's not fair to ask somebody to stick around for you and worry about you while you go through a transplant. I'm mad that I had to miss out on part I'm mad that I had to go through chemo. I'm mad that I had to take medicines that killed my immune system. I'm mad that I had to go through radiation. I'm mad that I had to be in pain. I'm mad that my mom has to do everything for me because I feel so guilty. I'm mad that I can't leave my room. I'm mad that my white blood cell count is only .2. I'm mad that my platelets are only 9,000 now. I'm mad that my hemoglobin was only in the 7s. I’m mad that I'm here. I'm mad that I missed being at graduation. I'm mad that the live feed messed up and I couldn't hear my name read live at graduation. I’m mad that the tape of graduation isn’t here yet. I'm mad that I missed the debate banquet. I'm mad that they ignored me at the debate banquet (except for tara). I’m mad that I was the only senior not to get an award at the banquet. I'm mad none of my friends have come to visit me (even though I shouldn't expect them to). I'm mad that I had to fill out my will at the age of 18. I'm mad that I missed prom. I'm mad that I could die at any time. I'm mad that I have to go through this. I’m mad that I have to worry every day. I’m mad that I’m in pain. I’m mad that I’m missing out on all the graduation parties. I’m mad that I’m missing this summer. I'm mad that I'm fat. I'm mad that I'm bald. I'm mad that I gained 20 pounds in four days. I'm mad that I have temporary diabetes because of all the steroids. I'm mad that I have to count carbs. I'm mad that I have mouth sores that hurt. I'm mad that my legs are so swollen from all of the fluids they are pumping into me I'm mad that I have to get up twice an hour to pee because of all of the fluids they are pumping into me. I'm mad that my nose won't stop bleeding. I'm mad that my eyes are blood shot. I'm mad that my leg hairs didn't fall out. (that one is kind of a joke). I'm mad that I have to take so many oral meds even with my mouth sores. I’m just mad. Thank god for zoloft. Lol. I promised you honesty in this blog through the good, the bad and the ugly. This is the ugly. I hope you can handle it. I know it's hard to read this but please don't get me wrong, tomorrow I will be better. I have faith. I just needed to get that out of my system. I know everyone else has problems in their lives too but I hope that everyone takes a good look at themselves before they go to bed tonight and just know how thankful you should be for all of the health and happiness in your life. Despite my breakdown tonight, I still consider myself to be in strong spirits. This was my longest post yet. I’m going to try to get some sleep now. Goodnight.

*(Day +25), Saturday, (June 5th), was a pretty mundane day and I'm okay with that because I needed it. I was up until 3 a.m. watching season 2 of the OC because I couldn't sleep. I've been really shaky today and during the night for some reason. I think it's just that I can't find a comfortable temperature in these rooms. The rooms are so dry because of the strong filtration system so it makes the temperature fluctuate a bunch. I slept in later this morning but my mom woke me up around 8 a.m. to tell me that my white blood cell count has jumped to .3! Now I just need to get to .5 and stay there so I can go in the halls. That will put me one step closer to getting to leave and go stay at the Ronald McDonald House. I spent my morning eating my typical warm strawberry pop tarts and watching more OC. My mouth sores are much better today. The gross yellow patches have healed and I only have a few bloody ones left on the left side of my mouth. They look bloody but aren't bleeding, thankfully. I am getting more sores down my throat that you can't see and they hurt and make me sound like a man but it just feels like I have a really bad cold or something. The doctors came by with their COWS (computers on wheels) outside my room like they do every day and didn't really say anything new. They just talked to my mom about my white blood cell count going up to .3! Then Dr. Smith came by later on to see me like usual and again, didn't really say anything new. No complications today except for the usual: low platelets, puffy ankles/feet and sores in my throat. No changes were made except they upped my morphine some more because my throat sores are worse. I only push it at night a few times in a row and then during transfusions a few times in a row so that my mouth and legs will get numb enough for me to sleep. I don't like to push it during the day because it makes me too groggy, like I've said before. I started to get restless around noon so I got out of bed and did some exercises. The physical therapy people come by every few days to make sure that I'm doing my daily exercises (which consists of me getting out of bed three times a day. lame.) So I've just started getting out of bed whenever I'm not sleeping or eating. That way they don't hassle me. They gave me this machine that is like portable bike peddles. I sit in my chair and I do ten minutes biking forwards, ten minutes biking backwards. Then I put the peddles up on my hospital desk thing and I do five minutes with my arms going forwards and five minutes with my arms going backwards. Doing the peddles actually really helps to stretch out my muscles in my shoulders/back and in my knees/ankles. I got a platelet transfusion this morning around noon. They got here right when I was done working out so I took a nice nap during my platelet transfusion because of the benedryl they gave me. I had a good lunch and then I took a nap while my mom went out shopping. She came back with more fat girl clothes and cupcakes from that cupcake store I love! They rotate the types of cupcakes they make on certain days of the week so today I got a mini very vanilla cupcake, which is my favorite because the frosting is really really good homemade whipped cream. I'm very picky about my frostings. I also got a mini tiramasu cupcake. I'm also very picky about my desserts and tiramasu is my favorite desert in the world. The last mini cupcake I got was the Smores cupcake. This cupcake is a grahm cracker cupcake with chocolate nutella in the middle and marshmellow fluff on top. This place is awesome and always makes my day better. I had a nice low carb day so that I could indulge in these mini cupcakes and still be over 100 carbs less than I have been for every other day I'm also tracking how much I drink and I keep drinking more every day because they want me to be drinking a lot before they will take me off my fluids and let me leave the hospital. Plus the more I drink the more I pee and the less my feet swell. Yes, I just talked about pee. My swelling always gets worse at night after I shower because of the strain it takes to take a shower. I'm getting better, though. I have one of those old lady chairs in the shower but I only use it to balance myself while I scrub my swollen feet and legs. I'm very careful to get really really clean every night because I'm so paranoid about infections. I've gone through an insane amount of soap. lol. Thankfully my english classmates got me tons of fun shower gels. I also change my sheets and pillows every night to keep everything as clean as possible. I'm pretty OCD right now. Better safe than sorry, right? Alright well tonight is going to be pretty mundane also. I'm not scheduled to get any platelets tonight because we're waiting to see what my platelet count is in the morning. I'm also not getting any red blood cells tonight because my hemoglobin was in the 9's. I'm just going to go take a shower now and then my night nurse will check all of my counts around 3 or 4 a.m. and I'll hear the news in the early morning. We're praying for .4! Or maybe even .5! Fingers crossed! Also, the guessing pool for what day I'll be discharged to go to the Ronald Mcdonald House is now closed. No more guesses. We'll see who wins! Goodnight all.

*(Day +26), Sunday, (June 6th), has probably been the weirdest (but not scariest) day so far. We did get some great news this morning at 6 a.m. when we learned that my white blood cell count jumped to .4. We need it to get to .5 before I can leave my room so we're getting closer. Once I hit .5 for five days then we're going to start testing my anc counts. Once my anc starts growing then I can leave the hospital. It's moving slowly but we're getting closer every day! I've decided to start ordering room service again because almost all of my mouth sores are gone so I can eat a wider variety of things. Plus then I don't feel guilty because my mom doesn't have to make me food. For breakfast I had a surprisingly good omelet, hash browns and fresh fruit. All of that was only 70 grams of carbs. Two pop tarts are 76 grams of carbs. Isn't that funny? As you can see, we're still counting carbs because of my temporary diabetes. Thankfully it's been getting a lot better and I'm not having to get very much insulin anymore. Some meals I don't need to get any insulin at all which is great because that means it’s going away. My mom met with the doctors in the hall for the morning COW rounds and then came in just to tell me that not much was changing today. She went to take a shower and I ate breakfast. My morning was spent watching the OC....of course. I think my mom is starting to get sick of it. And today was Sunday so she wasn't working so I probably should have let her watch TV. Oops. After her shower my mom took a nap so I turned off the lights and just continued to watch the OC. I was on my computer playing games and all of the sudden I felt unusually groggy. As I've said before, they have morphine constantly running into my body at a low continuous rate and then I have a button I can push every ten minutes that gives me a bigger dose of morphine. I only use the morphine when I'm in pain and want to sleep because otherwise I'm super groggy and only half awake. So when I got unusually groggy I was confused because I hadn't been hitting my morphine button. All of the sudden I felt like I was going to pass out. I turned to my right and looked down to the floor of my bed and saw a massive puddle of blood. It was dripping out from one of the many tubes I'm hooked up to. I looked up at the pole that I'm constantly connected to because I thought maybe they had started a red blood cell transfusion when I wasn't paying attention. There were many bags of medicine hanging but no red blood cells. So where had the blood come from? Me. My hickman, which I've blogged about before when I got it placed right before starting chemo, (go here if you can't remember what a hickman looks like. Mine is located on my chest about the same height as my port scar but on the left side instead of the right. It looks just like the picture but the tubing is purple instead. Kinda cool. I get it taken out when this is all over and it won't leave a scar like my ort did.) Anyways, the hickman is how they tube all of my medicines and blood into my body. They can also draw blood from the hickman. Apparently one of the tubings came loose and when it did that, it caused my blood to start pouring out. Nobody had been in my room for 45 minutes so I could have been bleeding for up to 45 minutes at the most. My red blood cell count was in the 9's this morning, which is pretty good. They quickly checked my red blood cell count after I saw the blood and I had dropped down to the 6’s, which is bad because I get transfused if I fall below 8. Thankfully I was in the 9's because if I had already been in the 6's, I could have dropped to some ridiculously low number. The lowest I've ever been was 5.2 and that was in the ER and the blood bank freaked out. Dr. Smith and her team all happened to come in right as all of this was happening, just my luck, and then they freaked out and I had several nurses rushing in to help so my room was full and things got really chaotic. I got really light headed and nauseous from all of the blood everywhere so I just sat in bed and started to cry because I didn't know what to do and it freaked me out. The puddle was so big that it had reached all the way under my bed and hit my favorite pair of pink slippers. Except the slippers aren't pink anymore. They're soaked with red blood. We had to throw them away. I'm very sad because old navy doesn't have them anymore. :( I guess I'd rather have the pink slippers be the casualty of the day as opposed to me. So obviously the blood bank rushed to get me two bags of red blood cells to pump back into my body. After that, we pumped a bag of platelets into me to help my counts. I haven't heard what my counts are now but I know that my white blood cell count was not affected and is still .4. Thank god. And I'm not getting anymore red blood cells or platelets tonight so my counts must have been good enough after the transfusions. All of this started around noon and I just finished getting all of my transfusions at 6 p.m. Busy day. I did take a nap from noon- 2 p.m. because I was so overwhelmed by everything that had happened. I slept really well because they gave me a ton of Benadryl by IV to make sure I didn't react to all of the blood and platelets. I woke up and ate lunch at 2. Irene, our care partner that I've mentioned before, came by today while we were eating lunch to visit. She got to hear all about our crazy morning and we just chatted for a while. She left around 3 p.m. I thought I was going to take another nap but ended up watching more OC and taking all of my nail polish off. It had already started to chip so I'm going to put a base coat, color, then top coat and then hopefully they'll still be perfect when Em works again in a few days and she can do her flowers again and I can put a top coat on it and take a picture before it gets messed up since I didn't last time. It's only 8 p.m. and I'm already done blogging. This might be a record. I'm determined to get my shower and everything done early tonight because every night I end up keeping my mom up until like 1 a.m. and I don't think she likes that. lol. My mom napped and read for most of the day. We are starting to get more comfortable with each other and we're joking around a lot. My nurses always comment about how they like to hang out in my room and hang out with us because we're fun. lol. My mom got up around 7 p.m. and drove out to the Mall of America. She has implemented a rule that I can have my favorite pasta from Tucci Benucch every Sunday night. This worked out well because my day was so crazy. My pasta is exactly what I need right now. She should be back any minute with dinner so I'm going to finish up this blog. Other updates for the day: I'm getting really good about eating less carbs every day and drinking more fluids everyday. Both of these things make me feel better about myself and make me healthier. I'm still getting lots of fluids and medicine to make me pee a lot so that the fluids don't make me swell. They want to keep me from swelling but they need to keep my hydrated so that the meds will work. My feet are a lot less swollen today but I'm having some tightness and pain in my knees/muscles. I've been using my pain pump a little bit today. My weight has gone down but I'm still much higher than my normal weight. Definitely NOT 200 pounds anymore. Thank god. I'm still bald but I'm starting to get some stubble. It looks dark to me but my mom said it's blonde on top. I'm hoping for the blonde. I'm still experimenting with scarves and my mom has found several good ways to tie them so I've been wearing all of the scarves that people have given me. If my face becomes less puffy, I might be tempted to post a picture in the near future to show you the cute styles we've come up with. Maybe. I'm in much better spirits today, as you can see from my insanely long blog post. I'm quite chatty. Plus it was a crazy day. I need to get out of this room. My mom should be here any minute with dinner so I will end this blog. Check up on me tomorrow when I start week five!

**Reason of the Week: Like I've explained before, they have a system up here where you can make a "team". This is a list of nurses that you've had and like and want to to have on a regular basis. If you ask them to be on your team and they accept, then the charge nurse tries to schedule them to be your nurse when they work. People work different shifts so I usually have anywhere from 2-4 nurses per day and I've picked out a few nurses that I like for each shift. The charge nurse has gotten really good about giving me people on my team as opposed to random nurses. (we had some problems at first where I kept getting nurses that I hadn't put on my list. which is annoying because it's nice to see the same faces on a regular basis.) Everyone on my team is really awesome and nice and I'm starting to build relationships with all of them. Great nurses are always a reason to smile (RTS).